Friday, September 21, 2007

軟著陸

近日離家上班,已經感到秋風起。不經不覺又一年。

回看這十多個月,發覺原來比往年經歷多了特別事,或許,不過是多了起伏。

新工作,雖跟舊工作無異,但其實又已經兩樣。

從受壓抑,開始釋放,到了解,接受。人,雖然一樣,但如何看,不同了。(阿Da二三四五,你們一定明白!)

病。醖釀。病危。病好。慢慢的。多謝您們。

寫。起飛。飛上。飛落。輕輕的。多謝你們。

搭客請繫好安全帶,飛機快要... 軟著陸。

************

哈,九月份,又到鑊氣月。今次一定要小心行事,不容有失。笨騾皮薄,不宜再剝。

繼續... 軟著陸。

Friday, September 14, 2007

果條友的自白

大大老闆打電話比人治部果條友,叫佢去地處偏僻既天下第一大部門搞培訓(美其名培訓,實質炒曬班人),因為呢班人淨係識得搞到一鑊粥。(備註:果條友一向好憎第一大部門。)

係人都知,果條友雖然貴為大大老闆親信,但出名閃得就閃,卸得就卸,於是詐詐帝帝請病假,仲買埋船飛,過大海去也。

就等隻船啱啱去到海中心,突然收到大大老闆急 call,問去左邊度睇醫生。死啦,答唔出添!(喂,搞乜傢伙海中心都收到 call 呀)於是...

“喂喂喂,呀... 斯俐沙喇... 我呢度收得唔係咁清楚呀,我轉頭打比你丫!”(Cut 線)。良久果條友以為過到骨,繼續闊佬懶理,匿入廁所辦大事。

原來大大老闆早知果條友靠唔住,於是一早安排左狗仔隊坐快艇跟蹤佢。果條友既然 Cut 左大大老闆線,狗仔隊就即時醒目,做野!

呢班狗仔隊全副武裝,一開始就想強行登船,呢一招嚇死飛翼船班打工仔,以為遇到海盜。心諗,劫財都算,萬一d 海盜劫色咪死!(你知啦,d海盜肯定“屈”左好耐架喇。)打工仔們連同船長一致決定,危險,速逃!

船長於是開行馬力,有咁快開咁快...

一來風高浪急,比 d 浪拋高拋低,就算係海中歷練甚久,都頂唔順,嘔吐大作;二來班狗仔隊既大飛馬力仲強,好快就已經埋身... 於是全船陷入恐慌,不斷打電話,發SMS 比親朋戚友求救,甚至一路嘔一路求救。

船長見大事不妙,屎急馬行田,於是點指兵兵,求其搵一個出黎祭旗。音樂一起,點指兵兵,點指賊賊,一點中你怎去躲... 哦,原來係... 你!

果條友,因為辦大事甚為暢快,所以甚至架船拋到差唔多反艇都唔覺得咩一回事。不過辦完事一開門,真係六合彩都冇咁靈,就比船長點中。要果條友去同班海盜談判。

條友遠遠見到狗仔隊掛住大大老闆支旗,又見 d 打工仔嘔到成地都係,知道自己乃罪魁禍首,於心不忍。於是同船長解釋緣由,仲話“拿,你用d 廁紙好似木乃伊咁扎起我,掉我落救生艇,然後一腳伸開隻救生艇,咁隻大飛就會轉移目標架啦”。

言畢,船長水手們馬上搜刮廁紙,扎起果條友,掟佢落艇,兩腳一伸 ... 須臾,大飛果然應聲收掣。

全船人見到大飛慢慢停落黎,知道戰術成功,不禁歡呼雀躍,大聲叫好。啪啪!啪啪!(拍手聲此起彼落)

鏡頭回到被 mummified 左既果條友。條友心諗,大大老闆最多咪捉我返去~ ,又唔洗死既...

另一邊廂既狗仔隊阿頭,正係度狂敲其手下:你點做野格,係呢個時候話無油!?啪啪!啪啪!(巴掌聲此起彼落)

可憐條友仲未知道大難臨頭,飛翼船已經早已遠去,而大飛亦漂流到不知去向,呢一隻救生艇上既裹蒸粽,就惟有自生自滅。

等左一日又一日又一日,水,竟然係出奇既平靜。不過,日頭已經夠曬,水又無,人仲郁唔到,更加唔知去左邊度!果條友又渴又餓又熱又睇唔到野,心諗今次實死無生... 嗚嗚,大大老闆,我知錯勒,你唔好咁玩我喇,最多我以後同你做牛做馬喇,你快d 叫狗仔隊黎救我喇 ...

咦?好似係神跡播... 好似隻手郁得番... 點解呢... 啊,原來個人焗到成身汗,浸濕左d廁紙… (米住,頭先應承左 d野可唔可以唔算數?)

果條友終於執番條命仔,真係值得開心,不過縱使萬分不情願,唉,仍然決定頂硬上,點都要做一次牛馬。

脫險之後,幾經艱苦終於抵達天下第一大部門。

唉,呢個部門真係亂到七彩。你有你上網賭波,我有我細聲講大聲笑,果邊嘻嘻哈哈,呢邊hea 下hea 下。果條友所到之處,只得一句,炒得。

滿懷不滿既果條友,無奈記起大大老闆當年知遇之恩,同埋佢既訓示,於是就同第一大部門d人講:“唔洗兩個月,你地一個二個都可以執包袱且勒!”搞到果班 hea 友,無不打曬冷震,馬上大醒十二分精神埋位做野。

消息傳到第一大經理耳中,都差d 嚇死,下令即時整頓。上至主管,下至普工,甚至皇親國戚,至少千人,一律都自願接受再培訓,全人類個魂魄即時返曬黎。嘩,呢個簡直係神跡喇。

大大老闆好快知道佢地轉軚既消息,就伊喵比第一大部門,話今次唔洗強制培訓勒,不過以後醒定啦。

喂!明明聖旨話要天下第一大部門冧檔個播,但依家竟然話會“保”佢地,咁果條友梗係扯火啦,搵著 d 細既黎較飛,玩咩!!於是發晦氣離開第一大部門,徑自沖涼揼骨去,洗洗冤氣。

與此同時,大大老闆就靜靜雞安排一位靚女服侍果條友。呢位靚女國色天香,滿身芬芳,玲瓏浮凸,手勢一流。咁樣揼骨法,爽呀!簡直係男人畢生夢想!

條友正沉醉於男人夢想不及五分鐘之際,突然該靚女一聲溫柔話:“先生,大大老闆話夠鐘喇,拜拜!”哇,乜咁搞,九成九你係大大老闆派黎玩我架啦,我依家劈跑唔撈喇,仲要自殺添呀!(... 原本舒舒服服,依家大發脾四,要生要死。)

此際,大大老闆推門而進,斥責果條友:你發咩脾氣!(條友仲駁嘴話,我死都唔關你事!)個靚女同你非親非故,你尚且愛不釋手,何況班人每個都跟緊我?就算無功,都有勞卦?我點都要諗清諗楚。

此刻,果條友似乎再次見到神跡發生係自己身上。


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小弟藉著這個改編故事,試圖闡述我自己對於“神跡”(這裡,跡 = 蹟)之義,讓那些想看到神跡的人,多一個參照。至於看倌如何看待這個參照,實悉隨尊意。因為曾有人說過某樣的一番話,所以,我相信,現今所能見的神跡,可以從在這裡開始了解到。

... 雖然,這種神跡,誰也不覺得驚喜。因為,只有知道做錯了事,才有機會見到神跡。

Monday, September 10, 2007

K青年

廣告見一名青年食K會引致行為變得噁心,導致幻聽和幻覺。

訪問某食K少年,他說對此廣告根本無動於衷,認為只是騙人伎倆。

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鏡頭後面,又見到另一位 K 青年在人事部面試。

職員見青年反應遲鈍,動作緩慢。

於是婉拒。

青年落樓見其母親正焦急等候消息。

青年搖頭。

母親說不要緊,戒了 K 仔已經是天大的安慰。

下次有機會我們一起再來。
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Thursday, September 06, 2007

How do I see a path like...

Before waging that war, I appreciate to think about career paths for HR practitioners like this… (Between this war and “career”, yap, my laser aiming system is so sophisticated that my life is generally unproductive.)

HR Advisory/Consultancy (I learnt)

Personally, this is not my favourite, though I am quite acquainted with it (since I have a very close friend working with one of them).

Delivering HR solutions to clients are challenging, yet limited – in terms of the applicability of the solution itself. The actual problem has always “contained” the solution to be brought about by HR consultancy.

Perhaps the consultant wishes to provide a fine solution, but the budget, the depth of understanding of the situation would have limited the choice to be provided. My close friend had had a hard time with his ego regurgitating the same and useless solutions (and expensive) to their noble clients.

But still, working with HR consultants is good for brushing up close quarter combat skills with external clients and gather the most “advanced” HR knowledge.

In-house HR practitioner in investment banks (I inquired)

I have a few contact points with insider’s information of i-banks.

For positions up on the top of the hierarchy, life (and pay) is good. What you need are social skills and high sounding top-notch HR technology and terminologies.

For those down below the manager levels, you would be focusing highly on administrative work. Things were set and rules were there. Changes would only be carried out and involved by managers because the information above the manager levels is mysteriously confidential. (But who care!)

I-bank cares less on HR because the dollar terms have been too overwhelming (and distracting, well, to its employees). What i-bank cares about HR are “technology” (are you good at web or the internet?) and fancy HR so-called solutions (What the hXXX is this Wiki-based Knowledge Management System!). Personally, I don’t like it.

In-house HR practitioner in, say, medium-sized manufacturing or retail companies (I experienced and actually enjoyed)

Nice and cool! Though it doesn’t seem like a “prestigious” (and less pay) kind of job, the true beauty of HR usually lies within.

From mid-level to the top of the levels, an HR would have numerous opportunities (in condition that, you must not sit and wait) to get involved in most aspects of HR practices.

In-house MNC HR (I presume...)

If you do feel confident with yourself, MNCs (whatever MNCs, except those EXTREMELY capital-intensive ones) are ultimate goals for practising HR, particularly when you are moving up.

Government, NGOs and “Government-controlled” organizations (I read, from newspaper)

Well, just like i-bank.

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Goodness, where the HXXX am I! (Well, any other suggestion?)

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

大大老闆

你都離 Q 哂譜!

明明一個簡單既問題,都唔會答!
明明可以行個方便,都唔會伸出援手!
明明可以側側膊,都要渣正黎做!
明明早響大家好,係要搞到一鑊泡!
明明出句聲就可以擺平,硬係扮高竇!
明明個個都咁高咁大,點都要扮大牌!
明明可以相安無事,係要搞到血流成河!
明明係你落閘放狗,仲死唔認!
明明頭先應承左,依家竟然想反悔!
明明係你問題,點解係要賴人?

你咪行開呀,我仲有成九十個 point 要數你呀!

面,點解係要丟。仲係要丟比我?!......

大大老闆原來係啞既,原來係跛既,原來懶正義,原來懶到出汁,原來面子最巴閉,原來淨係識得作大,原來我死我事,原來面子要緊,原來仲要等 ...

原來一切 ... 都係呃人既 ...

我要見到神跡呀!!

...... Baba Yetu ......



不過...呢條路,唔係人地塞比我既,係我自己揀既。至於個答案,唔係辛苦計出黎既,而係我隨手執番黎。我死我事,自己攞黎。