Thursday, March 25, 2010

校園孤獨簡史

聽講出年新高中三三四學制就要開始,諗返中五果陣既頻撲(唔係我),小不免慨嘆一年容易又復活節。

果史上小一,我仲係一舊飯,記憶依稀,但好深刻感受到果種孤獨同迷茫。到左小學四年級,因為搬屋,所以又轉左校。據聞如果唔係有班主任仗義,我日日都仲係要逼一個鐘頭電車先返到學校。可能正因為日日遲到,同埋上堂賴尿(起碼兩次),所以我小一到小三都唔係太受歡迎。但又唔知點解,響小息既時間,又可以同四五個女仔玩捉依因、跳橡筋繩。係到左小四上學期,先至開始有男同學同我一齊玩踢汽水蓋、跳飛機、傾下計咁。

終於要轉校勒,由之前既4B班去左新學校既4C班。我呢個陌生同學一出現,不得了,成班好似直頭當我貴賓咁。請我坐喇,搵我傾計喇,問我呢樣果樣啦。一時間個塞豆窿唔曉比反應。

好景不常,下一日返學坐埋位,然後就有個男同學好愕然咁話個位係佢既。原來我返學第一日就係呢條鼻涕蟲無返,我附近班同學唔洗再聞臭味,所以先至咁歡迎我!之後唔記得點勒,總之我就無搬去其他位,但我又記得鼻涕蟲好似都係坐響我左近,不過自此,孤獨感開始遠離。甚至上到和尚寺既中學雖然日日打打殺殺,但都有唔少朋友,可以晏晝一齊踢下波、除左條呔比老闆借埋外套響機鋪打機、放學去爛賭陳屋企打麻雀,樂不可支。

直到中五會考派成績表,大X 鑊,唔夠分原校唔收!見到班死黨有d 切啫咁轉,又有d坐定粒六打牙骹,又有d 喊苦喊忽,我呢,企左響度,咩都唔曉做。除左去左一間女校報讀女校男生同面試官炒左兩句,比人話無誠意之後,我就無再去敲其他門勒。報左一間攞個經驗咪算囉,係咪先。

講真,舊底d小朋友邊有家陣果d咁醒丫。對於當時出路係點,我真係完全無乜感受,亦無乜concept,隨波逐流咁囉,老師話乜咪乜咁囉,父母想點咪點囉。入唔返原校,又點有咩事會發生?鬼知咩。返到屋企話比老豆聽,佢就咋咋林嘀左我返學校搵副校長,記得傾唔夠幾句,就收左我,重讀。鬼叫我操行好到加零一咩,況且果個年代有邊個戇居仔唔操行好咖。

轉折既係,我呢種任人魚肉、任人老點都無咩所謂既性格,就造就左我升上中六。

響八月底仲差兩三日開學,記得係八月廿八號,有個老死知道有間超級隔涉,肯定唔方有人報既學校,話仲有位,於是又一次比人嘀左去報。查實我果史都係唔知頭唔知路,學校係點,唔知,點解要讀中六,唔知,點解之前唔報,唔知,點樣可以令人地收我,唔知。淨係知果度環境清幽,鬼影都無隻。

終於響開學前一日,即係八月三十一號,學校通知話收左我。都唔記得我老豆阿媽咩反應,總之我就響九月二號中午時分正式返學。因為太隔涉,所以第一日好似係打的。之後先知原來學校安排左專車晨咁早響市區等。

好認真,真係無貶意咁講,班同學好似當我怪物咁囉。可能係外來生少卦,係,都唔少人都好友善,之但好多人都同我呢位新生保持距離囉。好似我地班個校花咁,兩年預科我淨係同佢講過兩句野咋。果次佢話:「阿Miss搵你喎。」「哦?係牙,唔該。」依家咁樣記番,原來係三句。

同班另一位新同學,都同我一樣命運。小息或者放lunch既時候,就匿響後樓梯食飯、唱歌(?)、瞓覺。其實最初都另外有兩個師兄(同樣係外來生)同我地一樣命運(性格),好自願咁被不明文規定放逐響後樓梯,一齊睇下yes!,講下其他同學。到左中七師兄走埋,就得番我地兩個孤苦伶仃咁響呢個桃花源相依為命。

都唔係所有新生都有咁既情況,只係礙於自尋孤獨既性格,真係唔容易融入新環境囉。試過放小息既時候,比同學欺淩(OK,圍... 觀!),又試過俾班主任好認真但又好隨意咁叫我唔好同女同學玩得咁埋。喂,我無辜架,係咪有人扭橫折曲呀。陰功,或者因為新生既境況比較淒涼,所以連兩位專車司機都知道,日日返放學都報以同情既目光,周不時請我地食野安慰下。偶然都會好懷念下兩位好大汗臭味既有緣人,同埋孤孤獨獨既自閉日子。

20 comments:

C.M. said...

唉,一時感觸遮,下期一定出(1c) 嫁喇。

Desertfox said...

It's even more dramatic than me moving to another country. When I was little and I can't Norwegian, I just follow classmates around until they get annoyed. Things got better in the US because of the melting pot, everyone is unique.

Anonymous said...

「唔好同女同學玩得咁埋」

shit,原來係曬命post﹖﹗

又,well,我比較變態,我enjoy孤獨架喎。

~goethe

C.M. said...

Desertfox:

Yeah right. Perhaps you will soon know it would be most dramatic when moving into a new stage of life. Haha, wish you the greatest happiness of all when your lovely child set eyes on you.

阿靚仔:

點敢呀,同268比蚊比同牛比喇。丫又,查實果件事真係一個誤會,可能Miss對於自己(原校)班同學愛錫得好緊要,所以對我地呢批外來生好有戒心。(BTW,我同你相反,我不甘寂寞,獨處會死)

Desertfox said...

things got even more dramatic, I got an offer for a new job which I will begin 1 week after the child is expected to be born.

So it will be a new life with a new baby and a new job.

Cheers

Bittermelon said...

"老師話乜咪乜,父母想點咪點"...我同你一樣,細個時一舊飯咁. 你都好d,要女仔同你玩,我就...鳴鳴 >_<

C.M. said...

Desert Fox:

Vow, that's really challenging! During the first months after my first child was born, I never thought I could survive the time in the office!

Wish you all the best! Cheers.

蒲達兄:

真係唔知點解架,可能佢地覺得我無人理好可憐卦。仲同我玩「劍仔」添!(我開始懷疑我記憶有問題,佢地應該係男仔黎既。) @_@

魔術師 said...

>切啫咁轉

搞到我以為你「切啫」...

C.M. said...

Oops,查實呢個係筆誤。

根據施氏通勝,應該讀做「轉咁啫切」,Eng門 circumcision 是也。

Geoffrey Kong 江貴為 said...

孤獨係每個人成長嘅必經階段,有時受環境所逼,就算唔係自尋孤獨,孤獨都會搵你。

p.e.t.e.r. said...

>切啫咁轉

乜切啫會轉嘅咩?真喺第一次聽喎!
XD

噢!些襟絲唇我知吖,不過咩喺「轉咁啫切」吖??中文嚟㗎?

>叫我唔好同女同學玩得咁埋

shit,原來係曬命post﹖﹗ x2

喂!又話孤獨,又話比人叫咪同女玩"咁埋",邊樣真吖?證人口供前後不符喎!
實情喺咪你學黎天王扮幽鬱等啲女願者上釣先!究竟啲女受害人點樣上檔,點樣玩得"埋"法,所有D條細節,快快從實招來!記住坦白從寛吖。

重有吖重有吖,小狐狸單案你重未比口供我。你咪以為我唔記得吖!哼~

C.M. said...

江兄,

乜原來會咁大鑊架... 我都盡量唔去blame個環境帶比我孤獨,之但,你又講得好啱,佢成日黎搞我。

O! p.e.t.e.r.,

Well,唔轉,咁點切得好呢?

>>原來係曬命post﹖﹗ x2

shit!x3 啦。之但仲未有人睇得出我曬緊咩!呵呵。

>>證人口供前後不符喎!

拿,果件事珍珠都無咁真。絕對係個miss誤會,佢成日睇我唔順眼咋。你知啦,d女擒上黎,關我咩事喎。至於細節咯喎,等你地估到我曬咩先算啦(丫well,事關重大,縱使估到,我都未必夠膽認)

唔好講我筆住,你失蹤左咁耐,我真係不知幾孤獨!點計先!

p.e.t.e.r. said...

>你知啦,d女擒上黎

咁仲話喺誤會?肯定你唔會亦唔得閒窿離先喇!

你滅匙唔喺睇你唔順眼,佢就喺睇得你太順眼,所以先唔抵得你啲女同學遮。咁佢又唔可以一腳踢開佢地自己擒上嚟做到咁出面咯,就唯有"話"你囉,咁都唔明。

>我都未必夠膽認

我地估到晒喇。你亦都認咗唔敢認--你自己都話喺x3就即喺招晒喇。嗱!老老實實你話唔敢認,好,我(哋)唔逼你認。不過你冇話唔敢講D條喎!

>點計先!

當然喺FIFO(First In First Out)咁計喇。你爭我在先,我失蹤在後(就喺因為等極都等唔到你個蘯氣迴腸嘅故事所以失蹤囉),咁就當然喺計左你嗰筆先喇!重洗問嘅?

C.M. said...

真係誤會咧,個搣匙都無親眼見到!

總之呢,係誤會喇。

仲有,你呀你呀,曉得唔曉得反省呀,唔好叉開話題呀,你果九千幾條街數咋咋林還清佢呀!

p.e.t.e.r. said...

>你知啦,d女擒上黎,關我咩事喎。

你之前自己都認咗喇!家陣喺咪比假口供先?喺咪誤會喺個官判嘅。自只要將事實嘅啲條講出嚟就得喇。

哈,你咪至鐘意講theory同邏輯㗎咩?点都燒完你嗰叠先到我喇。再講我不摟都量入為出,從來都唔爭人街數㗎喎。

C.M. said...

唔係化,我鍾意講theory同邏輯咩... 唔似喎... 喂喂喂,講返你果曡,你自以為量入為出遮,查實唔洗人叫,已經有人追上門啦。

丫又,過去左既野,咪又得佢過去囉。話唔定我又天生鍾意比假口供呢~ (你班官奈得我咩何!)

貓頭鷹 said...

我想引用一句李敖既名言.......
「不怕孤立, 才可獨立」
孤獨又如何? 被人孤立又如何? 人生條路係你既, 只有你先可以掌握自己既人生, 何必活係人地既陰影之下?
俾人孤立, 俾人打壓, 俾人封殺, 咪當係個人既訓練囉, 訓練自己既獨立, 訓練自己既情操. 世上有邊個成功人仕唔係孤獨既?

C.M. said...

哈哈,貓頭鷹,謝賜言,小弟銘記。

相信他(今?)日你的兒女,將會很有福氣。

貓頭鷹 said...

C.M.兄, 何出此言呢?

C.M. said...

A compliment, for sure!

能夠守著一個勇敢的心,去迎接四面八方的挑戰,不是一個好父母該作的榜樣嗎?而你,也應該準備好這顆心了,對嗎?

嗯,聽你口吻,應該還未有兒女,所以,「他日」二字,應該合用。