Thursday, September 04, 2008

舉步維艱

P & et al

工作依然是我的動力來源。

但懇請不要把一籃子的希望放在我身上。我雖感幸,但不敢當。

自己的能力,最明顯衰退了的,是注意力(專注程度)。要集中精神或意志去完成某一件事,對現在的我來說,需要花很多精力。

其他方面的能力,若有見減低,大概十之八九,皆源於注意力的衰退。

這個衰退,姑勿論什麼原因,對於此刻的我,似乎是無法逆轉的了。

請原諒我。

雖然我還是在掙扎中,也希望盡力擺脫這惡性循環,但我想我現階段要跳出這個框框的能力已經到達極限。

我不想為自己推出各種藉口或緣故,但只要你明白我有這個推搪的傾向,我便覺得已經足夠。

也認真地再三請求,不要以過往那個好像非凡的我來看待我,用現在的我來看待我,我一定會感激。

而我可以應承你,我會繼續掙扎,或許有天,可以擺脫那循環,縱使,我大概是明知不可為而為之。

*************************

今天我跟 P. 及各位所說的話,正好為本二百步存照。

21 comments:

bravo said...

Hi CM,
Hope that I am not interrupting your transaction with P & etal.

I wish you don't mind me praising you, your wisdom in introspection - By realizing that Attention/Concentration (note: it is not a unitary concept - see my blog for detail) is one of the limiting factor as you interact with the environmental demands (career, family, etc.), you are heading towards a "problem-solving approach + emotional regulation" and this is the essence of 臨牀腦神經思維心理引導的認知行為治療CNP-guided-CBT (please see 認知行為治療? Does A-B-C theory work? again). Knowing your brain first before doing relaxation. I am sure you will be able to rise above your viscous cycle (i.e. not always need to break it every time)
Best wishes,
Bravo

Morca said...

注意力?
乜唔係集中力咩...

Karen (Sze) said...

您所指的人, 唔似講我(所以, 唔敢對號入座), 顯然係指您上司/老闆。

或者, 容我這樣的說:

1. >>懇請不要把一籃子的希望放在我身上

所以我曾經同我上司講, 我仲未夠資格升職(雖則佢知我的工作能力和態度如何)。 除非您所工作的公司, 得您同您老闆兩個人, 否則, 想找個員工幫老闆達到工作上某些expectation和希望, 請另請高明。

2. >>自己的能力,最明顯衰退了的,是注意力(專注程度)。要集中精神或意志去完成某一件事,對現在的我來說,需要花很多精力。

唔止您, 其實我同樣面對專注力不足呢個問題: 唔係有人interrupt我的工作, 而係有些事情(尤其係突發性的工作和有人叫我收sample等工作)影響我集中精神地去完成原本要完成的工作。

我開始懷疑, 係咪同以前工作的習慣有關, 還是我的精神和體力轉差, 又抑或是呢d係天生專注力真係不足。

因此, 不必自責, 我們要做的係如何面對和慢慢地增加專注力。

同是天涯淪落人。

3. >>雖然我還是在掙扎中,也希望盡力擺脫這惡性循環,但我想我現階段要跳出這個框框的能力已經到達極限。

您似乎想擺脫它, 但我可以告訴您, 別心急。

>>也認真地再三請求,不要以過往那個好像非凡的我來看待我,用現在的我來看待我,我一定會感激。而我可以應承你,我會繼續掙扎,或許有天,可以擺脫那循環,縱使,我大概是明知不可為而為之。

不論以往, 現在還是將來, 您還是您, 我還是一如以往的看待您, 只是, 坦承的看待自己, 不論您是非凡還是平凡, 其實已很足夠。

知其不可而為之, 量力而為吧。

最後, 恭喜您終於寫到第二百篇(然而, 我仲未到一百篇哩)!

bravo said...

To Morca:
Attention is a very complicated set of functions subserved by many different areas of the brain. i.e., there are different kinds of attention.

Concentration is less formal.

Focused attention, Freedom from distraction, Sustained Attention are some of the formal attentional functions.

A child looks like concentrating may not be able to really focus or sustain his/her attention.

(CM: borrow some of your space, hope you don't mind, many thanks)

佚名 said...

C.M.
別人給予厚望會構成無比的壓力這一點我明白,所以C.M.不要受到他人所影響,C.M.有努力過我地知既^^~
支持C.M.^^~

注意力,沒有人會想無時無刻處於緊張狀態,因為人本來就是「惰」,如果現在不用你做,你口說不好的,我是辛苦命「唔做野會唔舒服」,但你敢說你心裡重來沒有想過要「忙裡能偷閒多好」?

C.M. said...

Bravo:

I must say I owe you a lot both for your blog postings and your comments. Thanks.

When I studied more about Freud's work that you have reminded me, I became more and more "suspicious" if his contributions to the sub- and unconscious world were actually fruits of his introspections. Dreams, Oedipus & Electra... ABC did work in practice (and vigorously).

Morca:

Both will do. (And both are not "doing".)

C.M. said...

Karen:

很聰明。P就是我的老闆。

>>係有些事情...影響我集中精神地去完成原本要完成的工作。

咁你放心。你果d只係interruptions,我果d呢,係發自內心,唔係環境做成架。我呢亭,叫未老先衰(大鑊好多)。

呢篇第二百篇,或許想留一個帶有遺憾既回顧。呢兩年,我真係虧欠左唔少人。(各位,鎖你。)

Bravo:

Once my homing system is fixed, I would flood your space with my comments. *_^

佚名妹:

多謝你支持呀。(但我想講,我懶過條Anaconda囉)

>>因為人本來就是「惰」...

真既?你唔好呃我呢個細路哥播,我信曬你架...

>>你敢說你心裡重來沒有想過要「忙裡能偷閒多好」?

若果有人勒令我唔好再忙裡偷閒,咁,查實我係咪已經病入膏肓呢?(嗚嗚嗚)

佚名 said...

C.M.:
多謝你支持呀。(但我想講,我懶過條Anaconda囉)
-->蛇王係正職,返工做野係賺職..wakaka
無時無刻都想唔駛做就有錢落袋,當然呢個係無可能啦="=

真既?你唔好呃我呢個細路哥播,我信曬你架...
-->0.0...做嘜點解你地咁鐘意講呢句野既??我唔可靠ga!!
「惰」雖然係天性,但我地要懂克制「惰」,如果唔係既話就出現以下現象↓「病入膏膚」:p

若果有人勒令我唔好再忙裡偷閒,咁,查實我係咪已經病入膏肓呢?(嗚嗚嗚)

bravo said...

CM:

Thank you. I am so happy to add some oil into your engine across the Pacific Ocean, this feeling is good. It is your wisdom and effort to instill any change on yourself.

I guess not many people understand my English. I have tried to express in simple terms, but I guess that one needs to have some "abstract attitude" to understand the long passages. So I added a Wiki box to assist the process, hope it helps a little bit (although I guess not much).

ABC is not a complete system, need to use CNP-guided-ABC. ABC is just accepting what it is (i.e. failure) by persuading yourself and then relax. The more advanced CNP-guided-ABC factor-in your brain system as a variable before make any change or relax. In some sense, it is a scientific Freudianship. Freud looks into the unconscious mental process, CNP looks into your cognitive process.

Of course, we also know how to make use of Freudian system, which is insightful. We sometimes use hypnosis too. For some people, cognition may not be the dominant factor on presentation, one can approach their emotion directly for many reasons. However, given enough time to probe into the cognition, one can usually discover some subtle cognitive processes that contribute to the social and emotional difficulties. For example, I saw a child unable to make friends and become depressed. Although we approach him with some emergency action on his affect first, after some thorough testings, we found out that he had deficits in processing the grammar in people's speech, giving rise to significant misunderstanding in social settings which nobody, including psychiatrist, clinical psychologist, social workers, has ever thought of, for he was always assumed to be a naughty boy. This illustrates again just looking at outward behaviour is incomplete.

:)

bravo said...

Karen:
(If you don't mind me interrupting your conversation with CM a little bit,....)
Attention can be improved or can decline due to many reasons. Innate (inborn) factor is one of the variables. Adult brain keeps GROWING (+ve/-ve) it is not static, so it changes every second, so does its abilities.

When one is at his/her optimal, he or she can handle reasonable amount of interruptions efficiently; otherwise not. Everything is a continuum, however.

Cheers.

christina said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Karen (Sze) said...

Dear Bravo:

Thanks for your sharing. I'm trying my best not to decline my concentration.

CM:
>>未老先衰
喂, 唔好嚇我好噃(睇您仲係後生仔一名)!咁我老豆o個d咪係......。

>>或許想留一個帶有遺憾既回顧
回顧過後, 別帶遺憾, 繼續上路吧!

又, 您何時得罪了人(仲要係女人)呀(我今早就知, 但剛開工, 寫唔切叫您delete它)!
(按: 問候下您, 睇您有無事, 駛唔駛叫G4保護您咁啦!)

C.M. said...

小佚:

>>我唔可靠ga!!
>>「惰」雖然係天性,但我地要懂克制「惰」...

嗯...咁我信唔信你好呢?

Bravo:

Haha, you now feel the power of the fiber optics! :D

>>ABC is not a complete system, need to use CNP-guided-ABC.

To me, it's really comforting (But to many, it seems not) because it fortifies my belief and filled my unlinked synapses. Thanks.

>>just looking at outward behaviour is incomplete.

Umm... this is... unconvincing. You know, bosses usually don't feel happy with this finding. :)

Karen:

>>睇您仲係後生仔一名

既然睇落似後生,咁就好明顯證明我真係未老先衰啦。

>>您何時得罪了人(仲要係女人)

得罪人呢,我周不時架勒。但今次呢個,應該唔係女人。

因為呢位朋友已經三番四次過黎探訪我,所以我早前曾經煞有介事咁回應佢。

Karen (Sze) said...

>>但今次呢個,應該唔係女人。

唔係咩? 嗱, 我今次記性幾好, 記得那人的名字係Cxxxxxxxxa(仲唔係女人?唔通變性?)。

>>呢位朋友已經三番四次過黎探訪我

係咪指那位"提及我心中的理想世界"的人?

仲有, 今朝那篇comment係很人身攻擊(大意係插您現時的宗教身份同叫您......), 我覺得意見若然不同(而呢d意見可能同個宗教衝突時), 係理性討論而不是人身攻擊。

佚名 said...

卡臣:
>>我唔可靠ga!!
>>「惰」雖然係天性,但我地要懂克制「惰」...

嗯...咁我信唔信你好呢?
-->咁查實信唔信人係你自己決定,如果我叫你信,你口講信,但心裡質疑都無用ga~係咪?^^

怒火眼睛 said...

哥, 唔好俾咁大壓力自己. p 未壓扁你, 你已經自插幾刀先. 同埋呢...立此存照既目的係乜先? 補定飛安慰自己?

如果可以, 放個短短既假期, 調節下心態丫.

C.M. said...

Karen:

雖然我真係唔知果個係邊個,但想話,用女性名字既(尤其留言者),未必係一個女性。

Cxxxxxxxxa 這個留言所表達的,不是一個女性名字,而是一個身份。

嗯,其實我不曉得咩叫「人身攻擊」,所以我唔識講係咪理性。只不過,我覺得若果要理性咁回應佢,到現時為止,我兩個幾月前果篇大概已經回應左。


小佚:

*_^ 你梗係好掛住卡臣咧。好啦,信你啦。

怒眼妹:

我有預感我會見到你,好開心! ^^

>>立此存照既目的係乜先? 補定飛安慰自己?

嘻嘻,全中。打定底(包括你我,呵)。我唔鍾意玩 fair game。(又講真,我理性瀕臨失控)

我非常非常敬重P.。為左唔想佢失望,所以先唔想佢對我有太大期望。

bravo said...

CM:

Yes, that is true. This is exactly why I always think you are very insightful. It is really hard to use "one's brain to see itself". In addition, reading the text is hard, whereas face to face explanation (in Cantonese) is better. In western culture, this is not as big a problem, though. People somehow are able to grasp the terms, even fairly technical. Chinese culture is more in tune with body explanation on mental activities (not biological explanation of cognition).

Also, perhaps, because readers here are TOO HEALTHY to appreciate what a blessing to know that it is the synapses that matter rather than simply having a behaviour problem. Converse to what most people believe, it is easier to improve cognition than behaviour, as treatment/therapy is targeted to specific processes.
All behaviour are based on cognition of the brain (this is the meaning of my Chinese blog name in fact).
Behaviour seems obvious and amenable to change, in fact, it isn't. See how difficult to use rewards and punishment to treat a naughty boy, ha, every teacher knows.

BTW, I too guess that Freud had analsed his childhood when he developed the grand theory. Oedipus Complex, etc... :DDD

Thanks for trying this new method, first in Hong Kong, perhaps.

---------------------

"bosses usually don't feel happy with this finding."---> can you let me know why is it so, master, I don't quite understand.

Best,
Bravo

佚名 said...

C.M.:
*_^ 你梗係好掛住卡臣咧。好啦,信你啦。
-->我有時講野口吻來ga...當然係扮人地d語氣啦...hehe
「信你啦」係咪ga??0.o...唔好難為你信我啊!:P

C.M. said...

Bravo:

>>I too guess that Freud had analsed his childhood when he developed the grand theory.

It's good to hear you share this view. (Umm...)

>>Chinese culture is more in tune with body explanation on mental activities (not biological explanation of cognition).
>>Behaviour seems obvious and amenable to change, in fact, it isn't.

Haha, don't you see now why "(Chinese) bosses usually don't feel happy with this finding."? Perhaps the more observable behaviour can be comfortably explained by a collectivistic mentality. Chinese bosses may not feel happy if they were told their observations are superficial. :)

(Bravo, oh please...)

小佚:

唔難為。

佚名 said...

哈哈,同你玩下:P